It Won't be Easy, But it is Possible...

i'm feeling a little down today...ok, more than a little, ALOT! it's about 3 months now that i've been a Single Momma & i think it's just now really hitting me. this is not a time when the phrase "Better Late Than Never" comes into play...i would have rather it been NEVER that i had to feel like this. but the pain has hit & it hit hard. of course, Christmas is right around the corner & i guess i'm not looking forward to how that day is gonna feel. it already feels yucky, just sitting here alone on a friday nite, looking at my lit up tree & the packages, it's real pretty...but i feel so completely alone. the boys are with their grandma & jocelyn is already in bed, LONELY is where i am.

i have decided that "getting over" someone is a tough process. if i could get over it real quick that would probably signify that i wasn't truly in love to begin with. but this pain is real & the disappointment i find in john & in myself is horrid. i tried, Lord knows i tried to make it work...but marriage is a partnership & i didn't have much of a partner. sometimes things end, sometimes things change. as for me, i'm very hurt. my heart will need some time for healing to take place. right now it's so very broken. very very broken...

but i believe that's why i have this entire winter to "hibernate" so to speak. to lay low & truly find myself again. to build myself back up, to become me again. with each passing day i find new hurts & emotions, but i also attain more strength. Another Day Stronger...that's what i keep reminding myself. one day at a time, one minute if that's what it takes. i will spend these next few months reflecting on what i really want from life, what i want to do with my world to make my own happiness. i need time to get over what's happened...i need lots of time to truly "let go". it won't be easy, but it is POSSIBLE!