Sweetest 12 Days of Christmas Ever!!!

On the FIRST day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
a child with a disability.

... On the SECOND day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
a heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the THIRD day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
an ache in my heart and a heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the FOURTH day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
a tear in my eyes, an ache in my heart and a heart full of love for
my child with a disability.

On the FIFTH day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart
and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the SIXTH day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the
ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the SEVENTH day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in
my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart full of love for my child
with a disability.

On the EIGHTH day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected
strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart
full of love for my child with a disability.

On the NINTH day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
remarkable teachers, supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of
hope, an unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my
heart and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the TENTH day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
an appreciation of small accomplishments, remarkable teachers,
supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an unsuspected
strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart and my heart
full of love for my child with a disability.

On the ELEVENTH day of Christmas, the good Lord gave to me:
a sense of pride, an appreciation of small accomplishments, remarkable
teachers, supportive friends, a sense of humor, a ray of hope, an
unsuspected strength for the tear in my eyes and the ache in my heart
and my heart full of love for my child with a disability.

On the TWELFTH day of Christmas, the good Lord said to me:
Reach out and SHARE your sense of pride, your appreciation of small
accomplishments, your remarkable teachers, your supportive friends, your
sense of humor, your ray of hope, your unsuspected strength for the tear
in your eyes and the ache in your heart and your heart full of love for
your child with a disability

It Won't be Easy, But it is Possible...

i'm feeling a little down today...ok, more than a little, ALOT! it's about 3 months now that i've been a Single Momma & i think it's just now really hitting me. this is not a time when the phrase "Better Late Than Never" comes into play...i would have rather it been NEVER that i had to feel like this. but the pain has hit & it hit hard. of course, Christmas is right around the corner & i guess i'm not looking forward to how that day is gonna feel. it already feels yucky, just sitting here alone on a friday nite, looking at my lit up tree & the packages, it's real pretty...but i feel so completely alone. the boys are with their grandma & jocelyn is already in bed, LONELY is where i am.

i have decided that "getting over" someone is a tough process. if i could get over it real quick that would probably signify that i wasn't truly in love to begin with. but this pain is real & the disappointment i find in john & in myself is horrid. i tried, Lord knows i tried to make it work...but marriage is a partnership & i didn't have much of a partner. sometimes things end, sometimes things change. as for me, i'm very hurt. my heart will need some time for healing to take place. right now it's so very broken. very very broken...

but i believe that's why i have this entire winter to "hibernate" so to speak. to lay low & truly find myself again. to build myself back up, to become me again. with each passing day i find new hurts & emotions, but i also attain more strength. Another Day Stronger...that's what i keep reminding myself. one day at a time, one minute if that's what it takes. i will spend these next few months reflecting on what i really want from life, what i want to do with my world to make my own happiness. i need time to get over what's happened...i need lots of time to truly "let go". it won't be easy, but it is POSSIBLE!