Gotta Get This ATTITUDE In Check

i've been doing alot of thinking about the ATTITUDE i've been carrying around for the past few days. can't say that i'm too proud of it at all, it's been down-right awful to tell the truth. i know that life can sometimes get ugly & unfortunately the past few days for me have been just HORRIBLE...but that's still no excuse for exhibiting an ugly attitude to everyone around you...even when your bad mood comes from the very people you happen to be around.

 

there is no doubt in my mind that i need to have some serious HEART TO HEART chats w/ God right away, i can literally feel my sanity & faith just slipping away...i absolutely hate when i start to feel so down & fed up & just pissed off at life in general, i feel super guilty that i let those emotions/negativity creep up on me like that & i'm even more embarrassed by the ugly attitude that comes w/ it. i even have my "moments" where i tell God (not so nicely either) what i think about His plan & timing...BUT thank goodness He understands that i'm just human & that i react so childishly out of fear & pain, thank goodness He forgives me for my bad attitude & judgmental behavior, & even better He answers me w/ just what i need to hear...THE TRUTH!! sometimes keeping our faith is tough, but that's really the only HOPE we have...

 

i am determined as ever to make this evening SO MUCH BETTER than what last night brought me...i have prayed & put all my cares/worries in God's hands, He knows my heart & knows my needs. i can only hope that my boys understand & forgive my tension, my bad attitude, my sometimes crazy demands as an "expect too much" mom. i don't want to blame Jocelyn's AS for all the stress, but it is a big part of it, i just hope the boys can understand that.

 

i really do LOVE my kids, but i'm afraid that sometimes they may think i don't love them at all. & i will be honest, i have snapped & said things in the past 2 days that i wish had never come out of my mouth...but i am human. i am a mother of 3 ACTIVE kids, i am trying to juggle all the demands of a typical mom by myself...BUT at the same time i am trying to hold myself together & care for the most beautiful little girl who has AngelmanSyndrome...& trust me, AS is demanding. so sometimes i get frustrated & just hit that "level" that's almost over the edge. i have found myself displaying attitudes that are just not right or healthy. & for the sake of my kids & my sanity, i vow to let go of the stress....i vow to walk away, laugh it off, tell God to take charge & deal w/ the crap. my kids deserve better than a mom who's mad at the world.

 

Definitely gotta get this ATTITUDE in check!!

Gotta be the BEST MOM i can be!!!