a little pink cross...

"Every good and perfect gift is from above."

James 1:17

Every morning when i get jocelyn ready for her day & every night as i'm getting her ready for bed i see this verse...reminding me how perfect and good this little princess truly is.  you see, right beside jocelyn's changing table where i tend to all her diapering & dressing needs, i have hung this little pink cross which bears that sweet sweet verse.  my mother-in-law actually found that cross at a yardsale.  knowing that it was a perfect fit for joce's room decor, she bought it for me.  when she 1st gave it to me, i thought, how cute...& hung it in joce's room not thinking twice about it.  but as time went by & the frustrations of dealing with joce's Angelman Syndrome grew & grew...well, i think God used that little pink cross to speak directly at me.  "Every good and perfect gift is from above."  i guess i needed to be reminded that God doesn't make mistakes, He didn't give me a defective child...He gave me His handiwork that He created PERFECTLY. 

i struggle each & everyday with difficulties that arise from Angelman Syndrome.  sometimes i even feel like God can't stand me.  i wonder what He was thinking by making my life so difficult.  every morning just getting jocelyn dressed & ready for her day can be almost over-whelming & the stress just sets right in.  i begin to feel angry & sad & ready to say "forget this" & just walk away from it all...& then i see that little pink cross & read that special verse & suddenly i'm reminded that jocelyn came straight from God, therefore, she must be perfect & good.  all of His creations are perfect.  i can't help but believe that God led my mother-in-law to that little pink cross at that yardsale because He knew how much i needed to see it at the beginning of each day...God truly works in amazing ways!!

how lucky i am to have a relationship with God that allows me to feel sadness or even anger & ask Him why it has to be this way & He will actually speak to me.  He speaks to me in many ways, but today i just felt the need to share how He speaks to me everyday thru that little pink cross in joce's room.  especially after the rough day i had yesterday...trying to take her to logan's T-ball tournament.  needless to say, it was AWFUL!!  it's moments like those, where she's screaming & crying & downright miserable at a tournament, a place where many other families are there having a great time together, again i am reminded that joce is different.  that my life has to be different & challenging just because of her stupid Angelman Syndrome...so yesterday i had a pity party for myself...because i'm only human & sometimes i feel hurt.  but when i got home & got my little princess ready for bed, i looked to the little pink cross w/ my daily reminder that she is PERFECT just the way she is...& for that moment, as i read that verse, life didn't feel so bad after all.  i LOVE you jocelyn abigail weese...more than you will ever know!